Sometimes I remember

Sometimes I forget

then I re-remeber again

it usually happens in the terminal between

a change of scene

the space between a word

silence before a sound

when the party stops

and the conversations end

that- is where I find you

Sometimes I forget

when I cook breakfast

or bake cakes

listen to good music

or, try to copy it (badly) on my guitar

and then-

when everything is still

when everything has stopped.

this empty mind will catch your memory

thoughts hurled into my mind

crashing and screaming like

a beautiful ocean and

falling from a cliff onto the jagged rocks

below

I hear your voice. first.

sometimes, I imagine you saying

“its okay”

and I’m still

waiting for you to return from work

so I can hug you hello or

sit with you for lunch

just, to be in your energising presence

my big brother.

to ask you, if there is anywhere you are going to

that I could join

even when I know most of the time it was- no

no, you wouldn’t take your little sister to a bar

it wouldn’t be cool.

holding torches in the dark while you worked

on your dirt bike

a million moskitos around you and

you remain unconcerned

focused

Sometimes I remember

and when it happens it hurts

how can you be so far away

so far gone from time?

when big brothers are supposed to live

and you said

you would teach me how to ride a motorbike.

and I’m still waiting for you to

return home work.

So we can sit, in silent conversation

before I ask you again.

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