reasons for letting go

many many months have passed

and I have grieved you

cried and contemplated

held on so tight until

you were nothing but dust

beneath my grip.

And memories hit

in unexpected moments like

when you screamed above a rat

and jumped almost to the ceiling and

how funny was that?

or

when you brought a pan to bake in

and I saw it and saw the ghost of you

besides it saying, here- so you can

bake your cakes in.

or how you always aimed to be

‘professional’ like it was your

favorite word and your

perfect way of being

how we cooked from chaos to synchrony

like the dissonance and consonance

of song and melody

and I’ve almost stopped remembering

I have drowned myself

in performance poetry and readings

socializing and teachings

meditation and prayers

trying to find peace

writing and learning my way out of memory

fighting to stay one step ahead of wallow

two steps ahead of missing you

three steps ahead of looking back

and letting my gut crumble

in nostalgia at your past

And then you say one half-sentence

one half-year

later

and I find myself submerged

again

in memory and feeling

as if

I never learned a thing

and I must remember to

remind myself

I must remember

my reasons

for letting

go

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5 thoughts on “reasons for letting go

  1. gaining wisdom through forced remembrance may be harder.
    do not deny what once was,
    but become from it,
    something new and stronger and wiser.

    from the forges of pain
    rise the shields of wisdom.

  2. Thanks for sharing such wonderful poetry! I must admit, you have the makings of an awesome poet songwriter!
    I look forward to reading more of your poetry! Best regards! Marisa D. Aceves

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