Because (yes I have indeed begun a sentence with the ‘B’ word) I don’t feel like writing poetry. I’ve been carrying on my day with a chock lot of mosquito bites everywhere (they even got my eyes) and a heavy reaction to some insect bite on my arm that gives me an elbow before my elbow that is the size of half a golfball and hurts like bad-bruise meets mosquito-itch. Today I’ve felt sick and angsty and disappointed like a balloon filled with stale hospital-air and aching like the world has tried to fold me up into a box too small for me and I’ve woken up cramped and unhappy. I feel as if the space I’m in has no potential and that every dream I’ve had in the past seems to be fizzling out of existence because I’m too busy to keep reading to keep writing while remembering to breath at the same time, and take driving lessons, and while capoeira was my only outlet I cannot even get there when I need to because I don’t drive yet. I hate feeling helpless and useless and unproductive and dissapointed because people aren’t always genuine and they don’t always mean well for you and the world keeps turning ever-so-slowly and yet way-too-fast around and around. So I did **** all today (excuse my invisible french) and sat in my pyjamas all day trying to work but could not break free from these (look above) thoughts that just kept ping ponging off the edges of my skull to collide with each other now and then in the form of those mega exaggerated exasperated end-of-the-world sighs but then STOP. Because (yes, I did it again) if I took that second that it takes one to stop, stop thinking, be present and just look. I might notice that it is in fact a wonderful day. The sun is shining ( it always is here) and the weather is sweet, and it does, it really does make me want to move my dancing feet. So ( sing along now, you know the words..) to the rescue..here I am! want you to know ya’ll.. where I stand! I did have a pyjama unproductive day and I don’t quite know why all the negativity, but maybe we all need days like this to appreciate the days that are not like this. Because (yes, again!) they are plentiful and with plenty to be thankful about. I have a dream and I will achieve it. I have a plan and it is written down. Things are commencing and the only thing I need to do more of is writing (flashfiction paragraphs) and reading (waiting to begin Rum diaries soon). I have been writing feature articles on my toes while learning how to all at once and providing pictures and quotes for them, as is standard procedure. It is all not what I expected to be writing but then- I could never expect to be writing stories for a living anyway (and not when I don’t excel in it, I’d need a lot more practice and even then- its not about just practice its about practice and passion and patience And having a story to tell- I don’t know what my story is about just yet) ok that said, I think its all said now. I’m all written out and ready to perhaps, lose the pyjamas into waking clothes and practice some capoeira kicks.
Bom dia and have a wonderful day