On beating social anxiety

What is brave?

What are steps?
What are steps towards unbeing that awkward unconfidence that hyperventilating mess that chaos in a kerfuffle of unnecessary distress?
what is breath? what is meaningful, mindful breath?
is it signing up for a too-close-for-comfort tango class?
or going to that discussion forum all on your own?
-is it eating alone in a crowded restaurant?
or learning to be still on a crowded train without escaping to your phone?
-is this work? or is it just me being absurd?
will it work?
will it help me be the me I want to be, I need to be, before I become the me that can be heard?
-is this work?
or is it too much effort minus harmony? a self-induced discomfort- is it too far against the current- maybe I’m meant to live life quietly?
what are steps? what are paths? and will these aims reach out to make more sense out of the past?
what is flow? will it make me be the me that in the future I want to know?
is this trying? or is it just a crying baby?
a no-problem-is-a-problem situation, am I just ungrateful- maybe?
It is a challenge. It is rough. If it is tough. does that mean it will change me?
will I become that outspoken person, will I learn to lose my anxiety?
These are steps, and I hope they are walking to the right place
as I wash then brave my face again and again in some invisible race
against my growing age and who I want to have become: That unafraid one.
because I feel, that only when I break through this invisible current-
-only then will I be real.

2 thoughts on “On beating social anxiety

  1. ‘is it too far against the current- maybe I’m meant to live life quietly?’

    This part of your wonderful writing really engaged with me. As someone who struggles balancing high ambition with a lot of self doubt, there is a big part of me that asks why I push myself so hard every day.Is it not easier to settle for a normal life? I don’t know if that was your intention in writing this, but that’s what I got from it – I look forward to seeing what you write next! 🙂

    • Thank you depressionistheenemy I appreciate you taking the time to comment on this. To me this is what writing is about, if it can connect with another in some way, then perhaps something right (write) was done. I do struggle with that conflict but have recently decided to try harder to speak up, to make each day one where I know I’ve done my best to reach those ambitions. I wish you all the best in your journey, and know that even that self-doubt has a part to play, I think, in helping you reach it; to question things every step of the way. To reflect and take each step mindfully and aware- that, I think, is what perfectionism is, and it is one of many places where incredible things are created.

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